She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
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