i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We had to coat check the pizza.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
