I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
