So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
