this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
