I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
