I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
