If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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