He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
farters have to be the big spoon...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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