God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
