So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
