OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
