I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
