Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
