it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
