I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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