I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
