Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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