the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
