his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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