Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
