Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
