May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
