Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
