something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
