Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
