worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
