I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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