It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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