Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
