Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Shame - the story of my life.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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