it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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