I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
