I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
