saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
