I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
