I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize