I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
