dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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