Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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