oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
