it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So many bounce houses so little time
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
