My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
