just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
