Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
