i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
