you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
