there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
