I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
