...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
