Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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