Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
