my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
