K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
