Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
