if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
