Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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