I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
